January 2000




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1/06/2000

I'm going to start my own line of children's toys, because the stuff that's on the market now doesn't hold my child's interest for more than 10 minutes. So I'm going to manufacture toys like "My First Cabinet Set" because nothing is more entertaining than opening and closing a cabinet door. Except of course opening and pulling everything out of the cabinet. My next toy will be called "Important Papers". Children can think they are destroying Mommy and Daddy's tax returns and unread magazines but they'll really be decoys so they leave the real stuff alone. Along the same lines is a toy I call "Heirlooms". Little knick knacks that look breakable and very expensive. We tell our darlings that they've been in the family for years and someday they'll belong to them. When they decide someday is today they'll actually be playing with unbreakable look-a-likes. I can just picture their perplexed little faces now as they try to smash an "antique" angel. My last toy would be shoes with lots of laces to untie packaged in boxes- guaranteed to entertain your little one for at least one hour. But, the only way to ensure that your children will in fact play with these toys is to hide them and tell your children not to touch. They'll be busy all afternoon.

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1/13/2000

I love this time of year. The air is crisp, the stress of the last two months is behind us, and it's not quite rainy season yet. I love going for walks all bundled up and looking at the Christmas lights. That's right, Christmas lights. Why are we half-way through a new month and there are still Christmas lights on every other house? It's a new year, out with the old, in with the new. I know some people leave them up year round to save trouble. I can almost agree with that, but not if they have icicle ligts- and white ones that you can see a mile away during the day. And what, may I ask, is the excuse when it comes to tinfoil wrapped trees and wooden reindeer in the yard? Are they leaving it up to celebrate Groundhog's Day? Please, I implore everyone who puts up lights, if you don't want to take them down, please, don't put them up. And for goodness sakes, take Santa off your rooftop already.

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1/20/2000

My husband and I were going out and were going to be back very late so my in-laws kept the baby overnight. Hubby couldn’t wait to sleep in- of course, he always sleeps in because he apparently goes deaf when a baby cries at 6 am. I like sleeping in as much as the next person, but that’s small potatoes compared to what I was really looking forward to: eating breakfast uninterrupted and using the restroom without a two foot high person crying out "mommmmm-maaaaaa." However, this is the first real time I’ve been without my daughter. She did stay with my in-laws for 2 nights when my husband and I were both layed up in bed with bronchitis, but we weren’t in a position to notice she wasn’t here. She’s also stayed overnight with my mother while we were in Vegas celebrating our anniversary. But that was so far from the norm that, again, we didn’t really notice. But today, I’m in my house, just kind of wandering around because I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve eaten and used the restroom, now what? I keep looking at the baby monitor, but all I see is hubby snoring away (I’ll point out that it is 10:16 and he hasn’t moved). Grass is always greener, huh? If she’s here, I want 10 minutes of peace by myself. When she’s gone, I just think about my baby. I guess it’s a built in part of being a mom so we don’t just ditch the kids to any unsuspecting stranger if were given half a chance. Of course, maybe that part goes away when you have a screaming 2 year old. Only time will tell.

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1/27/2000

Why are experienced parents soothsayers of doom? Whenever I tell someone how old my daughter is they always respond with "That’s such a fun age. Enjoy her now because it won’t last." Or "Wait until she’s older." Now, I’ve been told this since she was born, and she gets older everyday and so far, I still think she’s kind of cute. I will say that I am not so naïve to believe that I have the only child who upon reaching age 2 (or 3 or whatever) will not misbehave at all. I know that despite my super duper parenting skills I will have to endure my share of public tantrums. But why do other parents warn me, as if I have no idea what I’m in for? Are they miserable and wish the same feelings on me? I doubt it. More than likely, some of these very same people did go into parenting with blinders on and now feel it is their civic duty to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else. I know these people mean well, but I really do wish they would just let me find out for myself. And when it turns out worse than I thought, I’ll make sure I warn the new parents.

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