I'm on a new diet now. It's called the baby diet. You see, my child will only eat what's on my plate. It does not matter that the food is the exact same thing as on her plate, she only wants mine. So I just serve myself my regular size portions and she eats quite a bit. I figure, I'm consuming less food so somehow this will result in me losing weight. Well, maybe not, because someone has to eat what was on her plate so it doesn't go to waste. That would be my job. I get a lot of the undesirable jobs when it comes to my baby. If there is something in her mouth that used to be recognizable and is now just a soggy mess, I'm the one who gets to fish it out. If she has to throw up, not only do I get to catch it in my hand but I also get to clean the floor. Something yucky in her nose, yep, my department too. I don't change all the dirty diapers, but I do wash them which means carrying the pail full of diapers to the garage with a clothespin on my nose. The sweet smelling baby who's clean from her bath gets to play with daddy. I get to play with the sponge because she has most likely peed on the floor. When I decided I wanted a baby, no one told me about the dirty work. Every disgusting thing that happens to my child is suddenly my resposibility. Because of this, I'm very picky about what she's allowed to eat. I have to look carefully at every food offered and think how much of a mess I'm willing to clean up. Lets just say she lives on a diet of bread, cheese, and an occassional egg. No wonder she'd rather have what's on my plate.
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